The Path of Least Resistance

For all my pacifist friends who love them some eastern Zen cuisine for the brain.  This one's for you. ;)

Don’t fight anymore.  It’s useless to resist.  There are no enemies.  Everyone is your friend.

Do not disagree, you will only cause trouble.  Do what everyone else does, and you won’t be seen as anyone’s enemy.

Having no family or friends may be lonely, but not having to care about others means less worry for yourself.

Do not serve others, you may find that tiring.

Do not take part in politics.  Letting others control your destiny is less stressful than choosing your own.  

Get vaccinated so people in your family who also got vaccinated will feel like you really care about them.  It is better to die young than to offend one’s family or friends at Christmas time.

Ignore your inner-physician.  You cannot heal yourself.  Avoid medical “misinformation” at all costs.  It will only cause inner conflict.  Only listen to SNOPES.  Being fully vaccinated and boosted means less conflict with your employer and government.

Never listen to your still small voice within.  It will always tell you right from wrong and good from evil—which only creates conflict.  Just do what the outside world tells you and you’ll always be safe from your true self.

Don’t worry if there are people in a worldwide global cult trying to kill you, your family, friends or your children. In essence, you really can’t do anything to stop them.  If you join with them, you’ll have less worries.

It is futile to take a stand against anything as you must then fight for something.  Live on your knees and you’ll never experience resistance of any kind.

Ignore everything around you.  Then, everyone else can do all the work, and you'll have more time to fuck off.

Do not offend.  You don’t want other people to think that you think something different from them.   If you don’t think for yourself, you will surely never argue.

Just “be,” as it is better to lie down and die than stand up and risk anything.  There is no enemy but your own mind and desire to live free from the violence of lesser men with lesser minds who want to be your lord.

Do not worry about tyranny.  It is true than billions have died from it, but if you do what the tyrant expects, you will surely escape death and never have to fight, which only makes you tired.

Let your master whip and torture you with glee.  The beating will be of far less duration.  If he knows you are weak, he will lessen his force upon your back.

If you don't stand for anything, you will not tire as easily.  Sitting or kneeling is far less burdensome. 

Help not an old woman cross the road.  Taking those extra steps will only delay your arrival elsewhere. 

If you see a fire, do not put it out.  It is far too time consuming to gather water when you can simply let it burn.

Never get angry at your circumstances, you might do something about them which will only make you sleepy.

If you see a dog while driving, run it over.  That way, you or someone else will not have to work harder to feed or care for it, and you will both have more time for crossword puzzles.

When life gives you lemons, throw them away.  You can buy already made lemonade at the grocery store.

Your mind is the only thing that exists.  Be like the “solipsist.”  Don’t worry, there’s nothing bad about dying from hunger or your children starving to death because a global cult—hell bent on controlling your life and killing billions worldwide is “out there.”  There is no food supply or shortages of anything.  Embrace tranquility.  Death by hunger is just an illusion.  Only your mind exists.  Nothing else.

Feel not for any who have died nor for those who will suffer and perish, for that is “the way” of the true warrior.  Be like a leaf on a stream.  Just float on by not giving two fucks.  That is Zen.

Ignore death, destruction and war.  If you don't fight for anything, you'll conserve more energy.

Don't take a side.  Hide and don't fight.  That way, after the war, you can gather more booty for yourself.

If you encounter a bully, a thief or a murderer, let him pass.  Someone else will surely have to deal with him which means you can be home sooner to eat dinner and watch TV.

Never help others in a struggle.  Let them tire and you will have more time for tea.

If a madman should rule your lands, suffer him and give him everything you own.  This way, he will let you live.  Deposing a tyrant takes too much work and robs you of relaxation.

Be like a tree—rooted in your servitude to all things external.  Your purpose should be whatever the ruling authority expects of you.  Wear your mask and you will not encounter enemies.  Take your shots and you will always be employed.

Do not posture yourself against earthly rulers.  They will surely crush you if you do not worship them.  Resistance is futile.  It only causes discomfort in your easy chair.

Don’t give a fuck about injustice and you’ll immunize yourself from creating an enemy in your mind and causing yourself to have to fight for something like freedom. Freedom is an illusion. It cannot be gained nor lost. For it is better to be a slave. It is easier, that way you don’t make enemies nor do you need fight for anything.

Fighting for a cause is futile.  Let others do that.  In the meantime, you can take up knitting or basket weaving—whereby you better yourself in some "lost art."

Own nothing, especially private property.  This way, someone else will have to take care of it and you will have more time to read the newspaper and be happy.

Eat bugs and you won't have to waste your time cooking, cleaning or going to market.

Do not seek for "rights."  To have rights means one must fight another to obtain or keep them.  Seek not to obtain nor to keep, and you will have little resistance in life.  You can flow like a cup of coffee in the morning on your way to the death camps.

Do nothing about anything.  This is the path of least resistance, the way of the true warrior.  And THAT means more nappy time!

~The Path of Least Resistance, by Ly Down Dy
(The World's Foremost and Greatest Chinese Mystic Pacifist)

Matt Presti

 Humorist | Patriot | Satirist